Listen Here, Internet Girl

Month: June, 2012

A drive and a friend

“I don’t know what I did. She’s being incredibly distant and it’s hurting my feelings. We haven’t even hung out once since I moved here, AND I found out on fucking Facebook that her dog died. It’s like she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore? Do I sound 15 years old right now? I sound 15 years old.”
Mona let out a dramatic sigh and took a big puff off the cigarette she just lit, careful not to blow any smoke in Jessie’s direction.
“Kinda. But she’s really lame,” Jessie was driving. They sped down 101 passing palm trees on one side of the freeway and the Santa Cruz mountains on the other.
“She’s not though. I mean, not normally. But lately yeah, she’s been lame.”
“Anyone who doesn’t wanna hang out with you is lame.”
“Totally lame.”
“We’ve established she’s lame.”
“Embodiment of lame.”
“I’m trying to help.” Jessie glanced at Mona who looked like she was about to cry.
“I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mona was not going to cry. Instead she lit another cigarette.
“You probably did nothing wrong. She’s just going through some shit right now.”
“And can’t talk to me? Her best friend?”
“Maybe she doesn’t consider you her best friend.”
“I thought you were tying to help.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Stop that. Stop just saying.”
“It’s okay.”
“I just want you to know,” Jessie said, smiling as she passed a red Corvette, “That if I ever want to stop being your friend, I’ll tell you before I tell Facebook.”
“That means so much to me,” Mona said staring at the palm trees in the rearview mirror.

Teresa Finney, the drinking game

-Drink every time you delete a boy’s number from your phone.

-Take two shots of a liquor that you hate every time you re-add any boy’s number that you already deleted. (Have you learned your lesson yet, dummy?)

-Drink every time you cry on the train.

-Drink each time you consider leaving New York for good.

-Drink every time you send a picture of your gorgeous nephew to friends who probably hate kids.

-Take a shot for every magazine you’ve applied to be an intern at.

-Take another shot each time they don’t hire you.

-Do a shot of tequila each time you tell someone you can’t meet them for brunch and you don’t tell them that the reason why is because you’d rather stay in bed and watch Cheers.

-Drink one glass of merlot for every online publication that has rejected your writing.

-Shotgun a beer every time Sam and Diane make you cry.

From my friend Matthew

“Of all the various defining traits I’d apply to your personality, Teresa, your ‘relationship status’ wouldn’t even crack the top 20. You are way more interesting than that.”